Archive | Cheating

s Omission the Same as Lying?

One of the main things that is always advised against in a relationship is lying. You should never lie to your partner, especially about the really important things. Now, everyone tells those “little white lies” that are designed to keep from hurting feelings. These are also used to keep surprises under wraps such as special gifts and surprise parties. With those things, though, you know that your partner is eventually going to find out about a surprise gift or party so you don’t feel bad about telling a tiny lie. Those other things such as whether or not a pair of pants makes someone’s backside look large can continue to be the little white lies.

A debate that’s long been ongoing is whether or not it’s considered a lie when you just don’t tell your partner something. Many times there are things in your past or even things that happen in your present that you simply don’t tell your partner about because you’re afraid it will upset him. Later, however, when things come out into the open, the first question is usually about why you lied about it. Now, the thing is, you didn’t actually LIE because you were never asked about it. On the other hand, you didn’t volunteer information that you had to know would be important to your partner. So the question becomes whether omission is really just a form of lying.

There’s a lot to be said in support of omitting something being a type of lie. Technically, an omission couldn’t actually be a lie because you weren’t asked any question to lie about. Therefore, it’s not a lie, per se. However, on the other hand, if an incident occurs and it’s something you KNOW that your partner would want to know and you refrain from telling him, that’s not exactly right, either. Sometimes there are just things you wish you didn’t know so you would never have to make that decision.

Obviously, a lie is something that you deliberately tell incorrectly when you’re asked about it. Most of the time lies are told to avoid trouble. The problem is, when the truth DOES come out, as it often does, then you’ve got a real issue on your hands. Your partner is mad at you and you’ve got to explain why you didn’t tell the truth. Lying has been the cause of many a relationship break up.

An omission, on the other hand, can be a different sort of problem. While you haven’t told a lie, exactly, you’ve left out something that you KNOW would matter to your partner. This is along the same lines as not telling a complete tale. You answer a question with MOST of the facts but you leave out the important and upsetting thing, or you simply don’t volunteer that anything happened at all.

The answer to this dilemma is, basically, to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself if what you’re withholding is something that YOU would want to know if the situation was reversed. If the answer is yes, then you’ll know that your omission may be very close to an actual lie.

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Why Guys Cheat

It seems to be a universal issue with guys when it comes to cheating. They just can’t seem to fight off temptation. For some guys, it doesn’t even matter what form the temptation comes in, either. If it’s “different” then they’re pants come off. It’s really like some of them simply cannot control themselves. Yet, when it comes to their wives and girlfriends, these same men would be MOST upset if they were cheated on by their women. They really DO have a double standard when it comes to cheating.

While there are some of the most standard excuses that men give the “other women” for cheating on their wives, rarely are any of them true. You’ve probably heard of them yourself. Things like “Oh my wife doesn’t understand me,” “My wife doesn’t like sex,” “We got married too young and grew apart,” or “We’re just staying together for the kids” 1are all so typical that it’s almost laughable that men still use them. What’s worse is that many women are still buying them.

In fact, the existence of too many willing women is one of the major factors in why men cheat. There are seriously too many women that simply don’t care about other people’s promises to each other. Actually, many of these women will actively pursue men that they want to have sex with until they get what they’re after. This is a rather a double edged sword, though. Willing women in pursuit of them doesn’t give men an excuse to cheat. These men should either say no or end their relationships so that they’re free to have sex with anyone they want. On the other hand, if there weren’t so many willing women, there might be fewer cheating men.

Speaking of temptation, too many women get a bit too relaxed once they’ve settled into a relationship or marriage. They stop trying to look enticing and tempting to their men, which does lower the defenses of these men. The men that are uninterested in cheating are the very ones that believe the motto of “Why go out for hamburger when you’ve got steak at home?” Don’t stop taking care of yourself just because you’ve “landed” your man or he might start looking at someone else who DOES take care of herself.

Careers and children often drive a bit of a wedge between couples. When a couple isn’t relating and communicating with each other, romance can become a thing of the past. You must talk about other things besides work, who’s going to be picking up the kids, and who’s going to pick up dinner. There needs to be some excitement, and you just may have to make arrangements for the two of you to rekindle that excitement. Men that feel neglected and/or bored are easy prey when it comes to willing women.

Of course, many men cheat because they’re no longer in love with their wives or girlfriends and just don’t have the courage to leave. Cheating seems to be easier for them. If this is your situation, however, you’ll know the truth soon enough.

Men will always come up with their own excuses for cheating but, in the end, there IS no excuse. The simple truth of the matter is if you’re not happy in a relationship, then get out of it. Cheating is not only hurtful and damaging, it’s also very disrespectful.

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How to Handle it When He Cheats on you and then Leaves

Breaking up isn’t a fun event in anyone’s life, but when your partner is leaving you for another woman it’s even harder to get through. Whether she’s model beautiful or resembles a warty Halloween witch, either way you’re going to feel awful. If she’s achingly gorgeous, you’ll know you can never reach her level of beauty. On the other hand, if she’s got a face that would stop an 8 day clock, that makes you feel even worse because he found HER more attractive than YOU.

Another woman being in the picture seems to just make things worse than they would have been otherwise. You feel that you have no chance to regain control of the situation and work things out. He’s left you for someone else and that says it all.

The first thing most people typically want to do is try to find out what happened and why. You may be under the mistaken impression that this information will make you feel better about things. Rarely is this true because you start to analyze his feelings and assume reasons as to why he left you behind. It’s not going to mend your broken heart. You’ll only blame yourself for missing something that she obviously has over you.

Stop focusing so much on what happened between you two and why. That may be easier said than done, but you’ll tend to just build her up in your mind because she’s who took your man away from you. If you spend too much time on her, you’ll become distracted from what’s true about the situation, which is that HE decided he wanted her and HE is the one that left you.

If you’re suffering from self-esteem issues, there are some things that you can do that will help you recover from the break up more quickly:

You need to avoid the temptation of learning all you can about your replacement. Don’t track down her friends and question them. Stay off of Facebook, Google and Twitter to search for her. It’s only going to make you feel worse. If you do know her, don’t spend time comparing her to you.

Don’t talk about the other woman to your family and friends. It’s actually best if you refrain from discussing her with ANYONE. You may have heard that what you use energy on is what comes to you. Instead of using up your energy on thinking and talking about the other woman, think about the wonderful things you want to bring into your life. You’ll feel better if you dwell on your ex and his new girlfriend less and more on improving your life.

Don’t dwell on the “unfairness” of life. While it may not seem fair that your ex could just meet someone that would make him leave you, eventually you’ll understand that no one could have come between you if your relationship was meant to be. That’s not to say that you weren’t truly in love. It just means that your relationship wasn’t strong enough to stand up to temptations. This is a good thing to know now instead of later.

Once you look at things from a realistic point of view, you’ll realize that this really was the best thing that could happen for you.

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Signs that Your Woman is Cheating on You

Everyone knows that men cheat all the time. It’s almost like it’s in their DNA or something. If it’s genetic, they just can’t help themselves, right? While that’s probably a lot of nonsense, something else to consider is that women also cheat. They may not cheat quite as much as men, but they DO step out on their men for various reasons. Sometimes they’re better at hiding it than their cheating male counterparts, though. There are signs, however, that you can look for if you think your woman may be cheating on you. They include:

Accusing YOU of cheating: This is a way of diverting the guilt from herself to you. Even worse, is if you’ve cheated on her before, she may give herself permission to get even with you by cheating. Either way, she knows what she’s done and figures that you may be doing the same thing.

Starting to look her best when she goes out: When you notice your partner suddenly dressing to the nines when she’s supposedly going grocery shopping or to the gym, you may want to investigate why she needs to look so gorgeous.

Telling you she needs some space: While this doesn’t always mean she’s cheating, it can mean that she wants you out of the way so she’ll be free to meet a lover.

Hinting that she’s not happy: If your partner is telling you things like she needs more romance in her life, and that she loves things like getting flowers and love notes, you need to take her seriously. You see, if YOU don’t hear what she’s telling you, someone ELSE WILL.

Making a new best friend that you’ve never met: In this case, it’s not so much that she’s made a new best friend and you’ve never met this friend, it’s that she’s suddenly spending lots of time with this new friend. In addition, she always has an excuse for why it’s not a good time to meet her.

Changing her plans at the very last minute: For example, she’s gone out for a night on the town with the new best friend that you’ve never met and calls you around midnight with some excuse for why she’s just going to crash at her friend’s place for the night.

Your friends are telling you she’s cheating: Of course you don’t want to believe something like that, and she’s told you it’s not true. However, if more than one person tells you they know she’s cheating, it’s probably true.

Suddenly wanting to keep close tabs on you: When your woman is cheating on you, she needs to make sure that she’s not likely to run into you while she’s doing it.

Making excuses for not having sex: This should be a huge red flag, especially if she was always raring to go in the past. Now, all of a sudden, she’s too tired, doesn’t feel well, or has the most frequent and longest periods in history.

Has no interest in the relationship: She probably doesn’t care enough to even argue with you anymore.

You may think that these are all pretty obvious signs of cheating but you would be surprised at how many of them that men actually miss.

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Ways to Confirm His Cheating

If you’ve been having this nagging little suspicion for a while that something’s a bit off but you can’t figure out what it is, it may be time to investigate a bit. Your husband seems to have been acting differently in ways that you’ve never seen before. He’s suddenly working late, spending hours at the computer and having whispered conversations on the phone. You suspect that he’s cheating on you but how do you confirm it? There are some ways to tell:

He’s paying more attention to personal grooming. This can be things like buying new clothes, shaving more, wearing cologne, and getting more haircuts. Anytime your husband’s lifetime grooming habits change for no clear reason, it might be due to another woman that he’s trying to impress and attract.

Your sex life has dwindled to nothing. If your husband is cheating on you, chances are your sex life will dwindle down to being non-existent. Your husband shows no interest in your sexually and will even turn you down if you try to initiate.

He lies and tells stories full of holes. Happily, most men that cheat are terrible liars. The other group has had enough practice that they can lie while looking you straight in the eyes. Either way, there will be too many little details that come in the form of gaping holes in the stories he tells, even though they may be minor ones. Listen to his stories carefully and watch for those tiny details.

He has many unexplained absences from home. The beginning of a new affair will have your husband at home a lot less than usual because he wants to spend all of his free time with his new tart. This has him spending more time at work, doing some unexplained traveling for work, or making weekend plans for just himself and “the guys.”

He demands personal privacy. It’s natural for cheaters not to want to get caught. So, to keep his affair hidden, he’ll start hiding his most intimate things from you. These include his wallet, email, cell phone, credit card statements, and other things like this. If he suddenly starts acting secretive or demands privacy from you that wasn’t there before, this should really start your alarms going.

There’s unexplained spending from him. Researching your finances is one of the best and quickest ways to confirm if he’s cheating. The only way this one won’t work is if he’s got a private financial stash you don’t know about. Otherwise, any gifts, hotel rooms, expensive meals or other things will show up in statements.

He’s defensive about his behavior. You’ll notice nervous or fidgety behavior when you question him about innocent things, like where he was last night or why he’s suddenly working so late all the time. If he yells at you for touching his cell phone, or whines about not having personal space, chances are he’s up to something.

Now, each of these things by themselves may not mean anything. But if he displays a lot of these signs, it’s time to sit him down for an open and honest chat.

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