For many people, what their partner or spouse did before they met is a non issue. It was in the past, so they see it as completely irrelevant. For others, they can be insecure about it, especially if it was a colorful past. If you have this particular issue, don’t fret – you are not alone, and although people may tell you to ‘get over it’ or ‘accept it’, I know it’s not always that easy.
To start with, let’s look at why this is causing you a problem. Is it because you are a naturally jealous person? Does the thought of your partner with someone else make you anxious and upset? Is it because you feel inferior, perhaps he or she has had more experience in the bedroom than you? Is it because you worry they will eventually cheat on you? Whatever the reasons are, there are some mental steps you need to take to deal with this issue, and eventually overcome it. Let’s go through them one by one.
1. Stop asking for reassurance from your partner. This is not only going to annoy them, you are taking the control away from yourself in terms of overcoming the issue at hand. Maybe when they say something like “that was in the past, you are the best I’ve ever had”, it gives you some instant gratification in terms of feeling better about things, but it moves you no closer to solving the problem as a whole.
2. Stop running thoughts through your head. You know the kinds of thoughts I mean – thinking about your partner with other people, whether it be sexual or not. Although it’s probably not going to be easy to accept their past right away if you have an issue with it, continually thinking and speculating isn’t going to help.
3. Reassure YOURSELF. Yes, that’s right – when you start doubting yourself, say to yourself “He/she is with me now, the past is irrelevant and he/she loves me”. Whenever one of those thoughts comes to the surface, answer them in this way. If you do this enough, it will change your whole feelings on the issue, trust me.
4. Think about the here and now. Is your relationship a good one? Then why on earth do you want to blight it by thinking about the past? A past you weren’t even a part of. You are certainly a part of the present, and hopefully a part of the future too. Cherish every moment together. Don’t give something so trivial the power to hurt what you both have.
5. Say ‘whatever!’. Your partner has a past, you have a past – you will never change that. You can change today, you can change tomorrow so learn to say ‘whatever’ to any doubts you have about yourself or your relationship, particularly when it comes to issues like these. This issue is in your head, the only way it becomes a part of your relationship is when you make it so by thinking about it too much and talking about it.
Follow these 5 steps each and every day, and I guarantee that in time, you will laugh at the very thought that something like this used to be such an issue.
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