When a holiday breakup happens, you may feel that there’s no way you can have a “normal” holiday. Obviously, you’re going to be unhappy and hurt. Everywhere you look may remind you of something to do with your ex and how happy you used to be. Yes, it can be very hard to enjoy the holidays when you’ve been dumped by someone with the worst timing in the world. However, there ARE ways to make it through the holiday season and come out on the other side somewhat unscathed.

First of all, consider the reason for the breakup. If it was just one of those silly fights that couples have caused by the stress that comes with the happy season, things will most likely be all patched up and fine by Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Yes, you’ll have a few moments in there where you’ll be unhappy and feel like you want to just die, or you want HIM to die, but once both of you realize what was really going on, things will work themselves out. On top of that, you’ll get to have some very amazing make up sex, which can only make the holidays even better.

Now, on the other hand, if he cheated on you or has met someone else he’s serious about, or for whatever reason, he’s just not in love with you anymore, those are going to be difficult situations to deal with ANY time of the year, let alone holidays. This is when you need a great support system around you. These can be your closest friends as well as family members that really care about you. Lean on them and accept whatever comfort they’re offering. Just remember that it’s the holiday season for them, too, and they probably kind of wanted to enjoy this time.

Don’t hide up in your room or your home and refuse human contact. This is when you need it the most. It’s perfectly fine to grieve, but your goal is going to be getting through a few days before completely breaking down. There will be eleven months and three weeks to do that the rest of the year, if you really want to spend that much time mourning someone that apparently didn’t care all that much anyway. Do what you need to do to crawl through those holidays. Keep in mind not to do something totally stupid, though, like indulging in a series of ill-advised one night stands. Stranger sex isn’t going to heal you or even put a bandaid on your pain.

One more thing to consider is that you may have hooked up with one of those guys that simply breaks up around holidays, or special days, so that he doesn’t have to buy gifts. If that’s your ex, he’ll be back right after New Year’s. Just expect him to pick a fight again right before Valentine’s Day.

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Something else that’s become a bit of a trend is the amount of people that remain single simply because they want to be. This is starting to be much more common than anyone would think. No one really knows the reason for it, but there doesn’t seem to be just one reason, either. Instead, if you ask someone why they’re single, it’s common to get a variety of reasons.

One of the biggest causes of choosing to be single has to do with careers. Women as well as men are involved in high level and hugely busy careers these days, and often there’s just not time to maintain a relationship. These people generally prefer to go out with friends and spend time with their families rather than become heavily involved romantically with someone. They will say that their careers take up too much time for them to devote themselves to building a relationship. Maybe, once they slow down a bit or change careers, they’ll get more serious about finding a partner. But at the moment, their careers are their lives.

Another reason for choosing to remain single is that some people just don’t like being tied down to only one person. They like their freedom and the fact that they don’t have to answer to anyone. These are the people that just like being on their own. They like being able to come and go when they want, and make their own plans without having to consult anyone else. It’s this attitude that keeps them single and happy about it.

Many people simply don’t wish to be legally tied to another person. When you marry someone, you take on any credit or legal issues they may have. This is particularly true when it comes to debt and credit problems. If your name is tied to that person, anytime your credit is checked for anything, it’s very possible that your partner’s credit problems will also surface. You may want to check into such things as these when you’re considering a serious relationship with someone.

These aren’t the only reasons that people choose to remain single, by far. However, they are the top ones. If you’re a part of the population that enjoys the single life, don’t feel guilty about it. Yes, your parents may be hoping for grandchildren one day, but it’s your life and not theirs. They’ve already made their choices. Now it’s your turn to make yours.

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The scary thing is that many notorious serial killers had wives and families that never suspected a thing. It took Ted Bundy’s girlfriend quite a while to reach the conclusion that something wasn’t quite right with her boyfriend and that she needed to speak to the police. The BTK killer, Dennis Rader had been an upstanding citizen in his community and his church with a wife and children for years. No one caught on to anything. Gary Ridgeway, the infamous Green River Killer, had several girlfriends and three wives during his lifetime before he was apprehended.

That’s not meant to frighten you away from ever meeting new men. Actually, the chances of you getting romantically involved with a dangerous predator of this kind are very slim. It’s only meant to show you that if you’ve chosen “bad” men in the past, it’s not a reflection on you or your taste in men. Most of these men are QUITE good at hiding what they really are from their families as well as any potential or active partners. So, if you’ve been involved with a man like this or you are now involved with one, don’t blame yourself for your bad judgment.

While there are some signs that many men to be avoided give off, those signs are either not present in the very beginning of a relationship or they’re so minimal that you just don’t notice them. Keep in mind that these men are predators of a different sort, and predators typically know how to disguise their true selves from those close to them. That’s why it’s important to show extra caution in this new technological dating era.

One thing that many women are doing before hooking up with new men is having them investigated. This is much easier and less expensive to do than it was years ago. You no longer have to hire a licensed private investigator to do your checking for you. It’s now possible to go through a reputable online site that will dig up anything questionable on someone. Once you have the information on your potential date, it’s up to you to decide if you want to risk it or not.

Another way to insure your safety until you’re confident that the man you’re meeting isn’t dangerous is to keep personal details about yourself from him. Don’t even give out your cell phone number to him. You want to be sure there’s no way he can find you unless you want him to. It’s just always better to take all the precautions that you can.

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Couples in successful relationships understand this concept. They don’t depend on each other for their own personal happiness. Instead, each of them do things that they enjoy and makes them happy independently of each other. This is the key to true personal happiness. Do what you like and get involved in things that make you feel good and energetic. Don’t expect your partner to figure out how to keep you happy. That never works out.

Granted, if you and your partner aren’t happy being together, or one of you has done something to damage the relationship, it’s no surprise that you’ll feel unhappy about this. However, it’s the event that’s made you sad or angry, not your partner. Your partner isn’t a mind reader and cannot tell exactly what they need to be doing at all times so that you’ll never be unhappy. That’s not realistic and people that hook up with someone just because they believe this is what will give them the happiness that they’ve been missing out on will be sorely disappointed.

Couples that are independently happy typically end up making each other happy as partners. Neither of them has anything to prove and simply don’t spend a lot of time sitting around questioning whether or not they’ve making their partner happy. They just enjoy feeling happy and let things take their natural course. That’s the way to keep your relationship moving in the right direction.

Someone that’s so emotional that they take every little comment their partner makes to heart is never going to be completely happy. These are the people that are continuously waiting for their partner to notice things such as a new hairstyle or outfit. When the partner doesn’t immediately acknowledge the change, it’s blown all out of proportion. Give your partner time to assess the new you and make the appropriate comments.

Stop assuming things regarding your partner. Even though both of you have a lot in common, you’re not always going to move totally in synch with each other. Give your partner room to breathe and accept it when they grant you the same. It’s healthy to lead a life outside of the relationship as long as it’s not interfering with the core of the relationship. You’re the only one that can make you happy. Sure, you can say that you’re happy to be with someone, or even that your partner makes you happy. However, what that doesn’t mean is that you’re totally depending on your partner to keep the happiness alive within you. Make yourself happy and the rest will all fall right into place.

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If you choose to go online, there are some things that you should keep in mind. There are a lot of companies out there that say they are dating sites but they really aren’t. In fact, there are quite a few that are adult entertainment based services that will attempt to get you in the door by offering a dating service. Once you are there, they will turn into a phone sex or texting service that is only looking to make money off of you. There are some sites that aren’t like this, though, and are actually pretty good to go through.

Something you should keep in mind is that when you talk to someone online, they may not be who or what they say they are. There have been plenty of people that found love online, got married, and had a glorious relationship. Then, there are the people that have started chatting online and ended up finding out that the 27 year old professional body builder was a 52 year old out of work janitor, or the 24 year old bikini model turned out to be a 47 year old stay at home mom of 7.

Going out to the clubs will at least allow you to physically see the person that you are interested in, although talking to them might end up changing your mind. You will also need to understand that club hopping in order to find a relationship can be difficult since there are rarely people that aren’t out with their friends there. You are going to have to be able to make it past the line of close friends in order to get to talk to the person and find out if they are worth pursuing.

Whichever way you decide to go, there are good aspects and there are bad aspects to both. You are going to have to either research every website that you come across, or you are going to have to lower your expectations when you walk into a club. There are plenty of people out there that are right for you. The only problem is finding the right way of actually meeting these people and how to go about starting a conversation with them. Play your cards right and you could end up happy for the rest of your life. Fumble in the beginning and you are doomed for failure.

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For the most part, these guys promise you the world but very rarely ever deliver. In fact, if you actually look at what they are trying to sell you, you will find that all you have to do is go out and act like a jackass, and you will get laid every night of the week. The truth is, any woman that would fall for any guy that acts that way deserves the relationship she ends up with. If you want to have a real relationship, then you are going to have to be yourself.

Being yourself is one of the hardest and most important things that you can do in order to gain the trust that a relationship is based on. If you go into the beginning of a relationship with her thinking you are some flashy rich guy, and it turns out that you drive a Pinto and live in your mother’s basement, when she finds out you can pretty much kiss any chance of being with her again goodbye. Women don’t want to be lied to, even if it’s something small, and starting a relationship out this way will cause it to end very quickly.

All those gurus want you to ACT like you are confident when the truth is you should BE confident. There is no reason for you to act like you are confident it you really aren’t. The woman you are interested in is going to know right away if you have the confidence to be with her or not. Think of it as eating fast food your entire life and suddenly finding yourself in a 5 start French restaurant, ordering wine in French. The waiter is going to know that you aren’t from France, and she is going to know you aren’t confident.

The best thing to do is be truthful and honest with her. Tell her that you don’t have the money to go out to a fancy restaurant, then turn around and make a romantic picnic out of things you can afford. Do something small but elegant to show her who you are on the inside and you will find that it will impress her much more than trying to pull off the bad boy routine that you just paid $29.95 for online. The choice is yours, but making it the right choice is what she deserves from you.

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Many people do purchase these online ebooks. They also order the physical books that promise to help get that man or that woman that you want. Most of the people that author these books should be sued for false advertising because the only thing they’re an expert in is how to make passive income. The books, themselves, are very often a huge disappointment to the people that buy them.

So, are these dating guides really useful? The answer to this question is yes and no. For people that always seem to have bad luck with picking the wrong people to try to date, or those that are simply too shy to deal with the dating arena, these guides can be helpful. There can be some useful advice in these books by the REAL experts on the subject of dating in this new age. The problem is that many of the so-called “dating gurus” aren’t actually experts at all, as readers will notice almost from the first page of the book.

Many dating guides instruct men to behave in such a way around women that they’re more likely to be slapped than dated. Unless men are in a certain part of town and around a particular type of women, they’re not going to be successful by using the “tips” in ebooks written by men that have bedded a significant number of women around the world. Of course, you may just WANT a series of one night stands. If so, by all means, take the advice these Lotharios are handing out.

On the other hand, there are just as many of these devious books for women as for men. Women aren’t going to get a lot from them unless they’re completely new to the dating game. However, is a 16 year old girl REALLY going to buy a dating guide that caters to women that are “legal?” If so, it’s only going to confuse her more than ever.

If you feel that you need a bit of help with dating, you probably have friends that will be more than happy to offer advice. Many times, that’s the best route to take. However, if you’re really serious about the advice you need, do your research before ordering just any dating guide online that looks useful. Dig into the author’s background and find out what their qualifications are for handing out dating advice. Also, keep in mind that helpful advice doesn’t always have to come from someone with “Dr.” in front of their name. Lots of times, someone with “real life” experience can be even more helpful because they’re real and have lived everything they’re telling you. The choice is yours as to what you feel is going to help you the most.

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That’s why it’s so important that you have a nurturing relationship in your life. It goes a long way to keeping you psychologically well. The way you interact with your significant other can affect the amount of stress and anger you carry around with you. It can also affect how happy you are. It’s been proven that when you have a great relationship, the less likely you’ll be to develop depression.

Everyone needs someone special in their lives. When you develop a quality relationship, you feel prosperous. The more you branch out to connect with someone in a meaningful way, the happier you’ll be. However, it must be the type of relationship that’s right for you. It’s important to know what you’re looking for in a relationship. Therefore, you need to examine what you want from your relationship.

Ask yourself some questions like:

• What are your relationship goals?

• Do you want and need for the connection between you and your partner to become stronger in all areas?
• Are you interested in being part of a couple that gets along well with others or do you feel that your time is better spent with quality people?
• Do you want to be with someone that likes to expand your circle of friends for both business and personal reasons, and do you need help moving past your shyness?

If any of those are true, next you need to figure out why you want those things in your relationship. Do you just want to get more fun out of life? Are you trying to protect yourself from feeling lonely? Is it possible that you just want to build your personal confidence levels higher?

You can add your own questions to this list, but before you start adding to it, you should probably try figuring out the answers to these first. The more clear you are about what you expect from your relationship, the stronger your intentions will be to make these things happen for you. When all of these things flow together, you’ll know that you’ve got the best relationship for you.

Now it’s time to sit back and make the decision of what you want to accomplish in your relationship and the reasons for that. All it takes is to choose a particular target to begin with. Then, decide how that will help you in strengthening the relationship that you need in your life. When you focus on a positive outcome, that’s what you’ll get in your relationship.

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Now, you probably already have some special things that you like to try with your partner. These most likely work quite well for the two of you most of the time. However, there are some times that you would just like for things to be ultra-exciting to the point that you DO feel the earth move under your feet. Believe it or not, there ARE ways to make that happen.

• Find some great toys. There’s nothing like some amazing toys to add a bit of kick to your physical expressions of love. Even though most people assume that toys refer to vibrators only used by women, they couldn’t be more wrong. You should spend some time researching the wide array of toys available to everyone, especially couples. Maybe even both of you can sit down and choose some toys that look interesting.
• Try out some role playing. This can be a lot of fun whether or not you decide to use costumes. It doesn’t have to be those old Nurse and Patient or Police Woman and Speeder fantasies, either. You can get creative and decide what gets you the hottest. Remember, fantasies can be ANYTHING you want. It’s not like you’re breaking any laws for real.
• Get away together. This is very important.  Bribe friends or relatives if you need a baby sitter. All couples need that special quality time away from everything. This is when you can really give in to all of those urges such as walking around in the nude and taking sexy showers together. Just being able to relax together can go a long way to making you feel sexier with each other.
• Experiment with some new sex positions. This is one area where couples tend to be too comfortable about so they never try anything different. When you want to add a little extra zing to things in the bedroom, talk to your partner about other positions you would like to try. Better yet, SHOW him.
• Try a change of scenery. When you’re finally alone for the night, lock the doors, turn off the lights and your phones. Then head into a different room to play. It’s not a rule that sex can only happen in the bedroom. You can just as easily try it out in the bathroom, kitchen counters or even the washing machine. Once you start experimenting, you’ll be amazed at the endless possibilities.

Now, that you’ve got a few ideas on how to get those home fires burning a bit hotter than you’ve ever known them to be.

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If that were the actually truth, there would be many more happy couples in the world.

People talk all the time about finding their “soul mate.” This is a rather misunderstood term. What people should be looking for is that special someone that they can connect with and have many things in common with. However, even this is difficult when you don’t have the answers to the key questions. That’s why there is a basic set of questions that you need to ask anyone that you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with.

If you’re thinking that you’ve found Mr. Wonderful, before you start down a path of permanence, following are some questions that you really need to get answered and out of the way before taking it any further:

• Have you ever been married? The answer to this one is kind of important because it shows you a couple of things about him. If he says yes, then at least once in his life he was willing to commit to someone. It also tells you there’s a story about why it ended.
• How long have you been divorced? This lets you know whether or not the timing is good for a relationship with him.
• When did your last relationship end? This is another question that tells you if he’s emotionally available to you.
• What caused the relationship to end? It’s important that you know what happened in his previous relationships so that you can decide whether or not he’s good relationship material.
• Do you hope to marry again? If it’s your hope to marry, you need the answer to this question before taking things any further. There’s no need to continue if you want to get married and he has no desire to ever walk down the aisle again.
• If you don’t want to marry again, what are you looking for in a relationship?  A tricky question, the answer you get will tell you a great deal about what your potential relationship will be if you choose to pursue one with this man. Make sure that his intentions match what you want in a relationship. If it’s not, then move on before things go any further.

When you ask these questions and get the right answers, you’ll know that it’s time to move forward with him. Answers that don’t seem to match what your future hopes are should send you packing and on your way.

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However, if your partner has betrayed you in the most unthinkable way, it’s going to be up to you as to how you handle it. Many men cheat on their partners and are immediately contrite once they’re caught. They promise the earth, moon and stars to their partners that they love only them and that the cheating will never happen again. In spite of all the promises, how will you ever be able to trust them again?

That becomes the biggest part of the problem. No one wants to live the rest of their life with someone they can’t trust. It’s simply not worth all of the stress and strain that you’ll undergo if you can’t bring yourself to believe your partner. Once trust is broken, it may be destroyed irreparably, and if that’s the case, there’s really no way to maintain a healthy relationship.

Whether or not you decide to stay with the partner that betrayed you, it’s still important that you see a counselor of sorts. You’ll most likely be dealing with all sorts of feelings such as anger, hurt, and just sadness. These can combine to become unbearable and you’ll need someone to help you sort through them all.

Something else that most people need to know is why their partners cheated on them. Women will be positive that they did everything they knew to keep the relationship a good and happy one. Yet, their partners found someone that they felt was worth risking all of that for.

Keep in mind that women of all types get cheated on. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are cheated on by their partners. Such women like Sandra Bullock and Elin Nordegren that any man would be thrilled to have at their side were cheated on by their famous spouses. What’s surprising is the type of women that they chose to cheat with. While both of these women are stunningly beautiful, their spouses gravitated towards cheaper, sluttier women that were nowhere close to being as lovely as their wives. So, don’t get caught up in the mindset of that you’re not pretty enough.

There are many ways that you can move past your betrayal, but it may not come with your relationship intact. If you feel that you can never trust your partner again, it’s time to walk away. Do whatever it takes to heal yourself and take the time to regain your composure. You’ll know when it’s time to get back out there and try again. Not all men are pond scum and that’s what you need to remember. Give the good ones a chance to offer you hope for a great relationship the next time around.

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There really aren’t any hard and fast rules when it comes to this dilemma. That’s what makes it somewhat difficult to know when to stick it out or when to walk away. Granted, there ARE some guidelines that can be used to gauge whether or not you’re wasting your time on a dead end relationship, and this may be just about all the help you’ll get with this issue.

To begin with, if you’re in a relationship that has gone on for ten years and he’s still living at home with his parents, chances are that you won’t be getting a marriage proposal any time soon, if ever. You may as well face it; he’s in a comfortable situation. He’s got a roof over his head, gets his laundry done and his meals cooked for minimal cost. Then, he’s got you meeting his social and sexual needs. Why should he give up all of that and take on the responsibilities of marriage?

That’s one extreme of relationships. The other is when you’ve just met someone and have only been going out for a couple of weeks. You probably haven’t even had sex yet. In this situation, you need to wait a while longer before expecting a marriage proposal and a ring. You’re still very much in that getting acquainted stage and there’s no need to rush this part.

Now, for those couples that have been with each other anywhere from a year to five years, it’s time to figure out where the relationship is going, and what each of you want from it. You’ve had time to get well acquainted with each other and should know whether or not you’re interested in spending the rest of your life together. If your man is still hedging on a commitment and you want the house and picket fence, it’s time to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about where to go from there.

Sure, there are those rare couples that have been together a month, decide to get married and then remain happily married for fifty years. That doesn’t happen very often, though. It seems to be important to get to know someone pretty well BEFORE getting married rather than AFTER.  In that way, you’re sure to have a good idea of what you’re getting in the deal and the type of personality you’ll be living with and dealing with.

The important thing to remember is that these things usually happen when they’re meant to, and if the proposal doesn’t come within a reasonable amount of time, it probably wasn’t meant to ever happen.

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For one thing, you always pick the wrong guy. It may be that you have Bad Boy Syndrome, which keeps you from ever choosing the right man for you. Do the guys you date all seem to treat you like something they’ve scrapped from the bottom of their shoe, yet you still stay? It may be that you give all the power in a relationship to every guy you get involved with, which means he dictates how the relationship will go. Maybe you zero in on guys that aren’t emotionally available or they just won’t commit.  While these guys may be exciting, unpredictable and phenomenal in bed, they’re not going to stay with you, and you actually know that from the onset.

Another way that you’re putting obstacles in your path to true love is by staying in bad relationships too long. These are the ones where you KNOW you need to leave because you’re not getting what you deserve from it. The sad thing is that you come up with all the excuses in the world as to why you’re staying in the relationship. You tell yourself that it will get better or that he’ll change. Love doesn’t justify being unhappy. Yes, love is very important, but you need other things to make a relationship successful. Things like respect, compatibility, honor and communication are just a few. When there’s real love in a relationship, all of the rest will be there as well.

One of the biggest ways to sabotage your relationships is when you base your decisions from a place of fear. Rather than doing something because it’s what you want, you do it because you feel you MUST. You’re afraid that if you do what your intuition is telling you to do that you won’t have the relationship and life you truly want. You understand that by confronting things that upset you or make you unhappy, then you may have to make some hard decisions. So you clam up instead of speaking up.  The important questions are avoided because you’re not sure you want to know the truth. That’s why you bury your head in the sand rather than acknowledging all of the warning signs around you.

The most hindering aspect of your fear is that you’re actually the one that’s afraid to commit to someone. Granted, commitment can be a rather scary thing because, after all, you’re pledging yourself to one man for the rest of your life. That’s enough to scare anyone. However, the thing to remember is that when you find the man that offers you everything you want in a relationship, you’ll be more open to putting away the fear and opening yourself to commitment.

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• You flake on responsibilities because of a chance that you’ll have of running into the object of your obsession. This includes missing work, school or other important appointments because he said he MIGHT call you, or there’s the off chance that if you stay in a certain location long enough, he’ll come in. If you’re blowing off commitments just on the chance that you’ll run into this guy, you should consider yourself to be in serious trouble. When you miss commitments just because of your obsession, you’re only going to be sorry later in life when you don’t even remember this guy’s name.

• You miss out on things that you love doing just so that you can be available in case the guy you’re obsessed with decides he has time to call you or wants to see you. What you’re actually doing is putting your life on hold for another person. Now, this may be fine if you’re in a serious relationship or are married, but when this person has done nothing to show you that you mean much to him, it makes no sense for you to rearrange your life for him. You’re only missing out on a lot of fun by doing so.
• Your friendships are taking a back seat to your obsession. When you’re obsessed with a guy you’re dating or one that you WANT to date, you’ll tend to ignore your friends in favor of being available for this guy even when he hasn’t called or made plans with you. Eventually, you’ll start driving your friends away from you because they understand that you don’t care much about them now.

If you notice any of these signs within yourself, please take note how far you’ve fallen down the Rabbit Hole. None of these things are even remotely normal. You’re not meant to stop living your life just in CASE some guy decides to give you a call or suddenly shows up to take you to dinner. If it’s necessary for you to always be available on the off chance that he’ll call or come by, then it’s imperative that you get some help in overcoming your obsession. This is something that could ruin your entire life if you allow it. That’s why you need to do everything possible to move past this obsession and involve yourself in a healthy relationship with someone that wants to be with you.

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That’s why it’s very tempting to rekindle an old flame if the opportunity presents itself. You’ve probably heard many tales of how couples that have been separated for years suddenly find themselves back together and realize they still have the same feelings for each other as they did when they were a couple the first time around. Those are very possible and very heartwarming stories. However, it doesn’t always turn out that way. Many times, it’s just the fervent wish to revisit a time in life where the feelings were exciting and the couple was beautiful.

There has to be a better way to tell if you should rekindle an old flame or not, and there IS. First of all, put away your feelings from long ago. Then be very honest about how your NEW feelings are at seeing your old love from so long ago. This step is true whether it’s been 3 years or 30. You can’t allow those past feelings to completely rule decisions you make in the present. So Rule Number One is to deal with your feelings in the present and don’t be overly influenced by the past.

Now that you understand Rule Number One, it’s going to be confusing to learn what Rule Number Two is because that rule tells you to remember the moments of your past relationship with your old flame. Some of those moments can be very important, particularly if these are warnings of why you shouldn’t become involved with him again. Were you mistreated by this old flame in the past? Did he cheat on you? Did he abuse you in some way? If that’s the case, it’s very important to recall those moments because chances are slim that he’s changed much over the years in that regard.

Once you get past Rule Number One and Rule Number Two satisfactorily, you move into Rule Number Three. That one has you paying close attention to how you feel when you come face to face with your old flame. Is that spark truly still there for both of you? If so, and the conditions are right, then you should definitely test the waters a bit and see how they feel. That doesn’t mean that you should hop into bed with him immediately. It means that you should be open to exploring whether or not things can actually go somewhere this time around. It may be the best decision you ever made.

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