When we get married, we all believe it is forever and no one thinks about divorce. However, not all marriages last forever and people must go through one of the most complicated and painful stages in their lives. Dating after divorce is salvation for some people and a complete mistake for others.
It is an eternal question — when to start dating after divorce and is it possible at all? In this post, we will try to find out whether dating after divorce is good or bad and how to start doing it to find your happiness again.
When to start dating after divorce
Many people experience betrayal in their marriages and believe that dating right after divorce will cure their wounds and they will forget about the pain. Others do not want to start any relationship at all because they still have feelings for their spouses and at the same time, they cannot trust anyone after being cheated.
Both opinions are wrong and right at the same time. The truth is people are different and everyone needs his time to recover after divorce or breakup. However, jumping into new relationships right after divorce is the biggest no-no. Nothing good will happen out of it.
People are created this way and they cannot forget everything in one day. After divorce, you have feelings for your ex, no matter whether they are love or hate. If it’s love, you will not be able to love anyone else and it means that you will lie to your new partner, and starting your relationship with dishonesty isn’t good. If your emotions for your ex are too bad, you won’t be able to forget it and will automatically hate and suspect each person entering into your life.
Curing your heartbreak and emotional wounds is crucial before starting your relationship. You must overcome everything and have a totally sober mind. You must analyze your mistakes and what exactly you loved or hated in your partner. You should make conclusions to avoid making the same mistakes again and again. If you start dating when being newly divorced, it won’t end with anything good and will bring you and your new date nothing but disappointment.
The time you need to recover varies and depends on you only. Everyone is different and has his or her time for refreshment. It doesn’t mean you must sit at home and cry all this time. The following tips on dating after divorce will help you overcome your difficulties and cope with your emotions and pain.
Tips on dating after being divorced
Even if you were the initiator of your divorce, it won’t be easy to overcome this challenge. You have married your ex for some reasons, you probably loved this person, maybe have common kids even. Spending years with someone cannot be forgotten in a while. You cannot simply get rid of this time and emotions in a heartbeat.
Even if you say that it’s very easy for you because you don’t love this person anymore, it’s not really so. You keep thinking about whether you have made the right decision, if it was possible to save everything and avoid this divorce, etc. You cannot just start dating after divorce even in your 30s because you need a lot of time to put up with it and start a new page in your life.
You must be free of all emotions and feelings and only then, dating after your divorce will be possible. Even if you think you are ok, it is necessary to take a pause and wait with your new relationship. This is how people’s souls and minds work. Everyone needs time after divorce without any exceptions.
Some people find it very difficult to even think of their new relationship, so the tips below will help you overcome this challenge and cope with your emotions and pain, and finally, start dating again.
Find a hobby
Lots of people are locked after divorce, they don’t take care of anything, even of how they look. You will never be able to start dating again after your divorce if you sit at home and look absolutely careless. Thus, it’s necessary to distract your attention from a divorce and pay it to something else.
Finding a new hobby would be a great solution in that case. When being married, people often don’t have any time for doing something they really enjoy. A new hobby will solve that problem. Now you have more time, you are not bonded with any obligations, and can start loving yourself. Don’t neglect this chance.
You could have always dreamed of skiing or swimming. Maybe you adore cycling or dancing, drawing, singing, and whatever else you can think about. Start doing it right now as you are free and enjoy this period in your life. No one can be an obstacle now and no one will tell you what to do or laugh at your new passion.
It will help you change your inner world and start loving yourself. It will distract you a little bit and fill in the gap in your life. Moreover, you will have plenty of positive emotions and it is necessary to start dating again after being divorced.
Take a vacation
Even if you work very hard and cannot take any time off now, you need it. Go somewhere you have always wanted to — Paris, Maldives, Milano, Bali, wherever you have always wanted to. If you cannot afford it financially right now or really don’t have time, you can simply go somewhere for a weekend. Do it alone, not with your friends.
Rent a cottage house somewhere in your area and just enjoy nature and your loneliness. Think about everything and refresh your mind. Dating at 40 after divorce will be possible only if you bring your mind and emotions in order. However, keep in mind that during such trips, you have a chance to meet new people and who knows, your new crush might be among them.
Dating after divorce with children
Dating after divorce with kids is more complicated than without children, of course. You have double responsibility and must take care not only of yourself but of your kids. Everything becomes even more complicated because you cannot allow yourself to relax and take your time to recover, your children will not wait for it. You must keep taking care of them and even more now to help them overcome this personal trauma as well. Remember that a divorce is hard not only for a husband and a wife but also for their children.
If you don’t want them to suffer, you must do everything to show them that it is not such a big deal and their mom and dad are still there and love them as before. They will just live separately. Dating after divorce with kids is very possible, don’t worry. You just need some help and time and the tips above will be also helpful for you. However, there are some peculiarities you must keep in mind in case of having children.
Don’t rush to introduce your new crush to your children
If you start dating after your divorce, you shouldn’t be in a hurry of introducing your new date to your kids. You might be very happy with that person, but it doesn’t mean your children are ready for it. Moreover, you do not know how long you will date your new crush.
Before introducing your children to your partner, you must be sure it’s not a short affair. If your date insists on meeting your kids, don’t do it but listen to your heart. If you have doubts, better wait a little bit. Only you know well what is best for your babies.
They don’t have to see your new partners all the time. They must not see an unhappy mother or father after your new breakup. Introduce them to your partner only when being sure this is a long-lasting serious relationship and only if your partner really wants it.
Avoid dating someone not accepting your kids
No matter whether you are dating in your 40s or 50s after divorce but if you have children, you must always keep them in mind. If you feel like your children do not like your new date, try to find out what exactly is wrong, why they have such feelings. Maybe they simply don’t want to see you with a new partner other than their parent. However, they might have more serious reasons for it.
Maybe they feel not a very good attitude from your new date, find out whether he or she wasn’t screaming at or abusing them. In that case, you must break up at once because it is unacceptable. You should also pay attention to how your new partner behaves. For example, if he or she calls you and asks you out in an hour. This person must realize you can’t do it when having children and all dates must be discussed a bit beforehand.
Dating after divorce is more than possible but don’t forget to stick to these rules and never be in a hurry, especially when having children. You are responsible not only for your happiness but for theirs as well.